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Angol report-kijavítás

189
Introduction

The aim of this report for is to outline my travel experience in the Andes Mountains of South America, identify the benefits and problems and make recommendations for adventurous travellers doing the same thing in the future.

Background information

Having done my dessertation about the Andes Mountains, I felt the necessity to climb and examine the vegetation and inhabitants life conditions. Although one of my teachers claimed that the transport was rather underdeveloped, I was determined to map the environment.
My daily duties involved making photos of the particular plant species. Moreover I also raced through the air by the wire cable, which was quite hazardous nonetheless had became a lifeline for inhabitants.

Benefits and problems
I gained a great deal from seeing how local people tackle with problems applying their creativeness, which enabled me to behave brave in tough situations too. Having picked up speed I experienced the valuable sense of flight and got rapidly accross deep valleys.
In contrast I found a few problems in the cableway safeness as the commuter is attached to the cable by only the metal hook with leather straps hanging from it. If straps weakened the actual traveller life would be in danger.

Recommendations
I would suggest making contact with specialists in order to ensure a high level of secureness. This would avoid the possibility of happening tragic accidents and more tourists would decide to race through the air by theone kilometer-long wire.
If this cableway was advertised, numerous adventurous individuals would possibly visit this breath taking form of transport. I recommend to make short films of the cableways that would present the cableway.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I feel confident in recommending the above mentioned unmatched experience for everyone who prefers adventure and speed.
Jelenleg 1 felhasználó nézi ezt a kérdést.
Angol, report, useful language
0
Középiskola / Idegen nyelv

Válaszok

1
intro
Nem találtam benne semmit, ami furának tűnne.

background info
Inkább dissertation nem dessertation :).
"the inhabitant's" csak simán "ihanbitants" helyett.
"transportation"
"of particular plant species", nem kell a "the", mert nem mondod, hogy melyikről.
A "wire cable" meg "cableway" alatt szerintem "zipline"-t értesz, de írj ha nem.
"quite hazardous. Notheless, it had became"

Benefits and problems
"creativity"
"enabled" helyett itt szerintem inkább "helped" kéne.
"In contrast"-ot akkor használsz, ha tudatosan felépítesz egy ilyen évek-ellenérvek táblát. Ha pozitívumokat és élményeket sorolsz, és közbevágsz egy problémát, akkor "on the other hand" vagy "with that said,". Ajánlom a powerthesaurus.org oldat ilyen "linking word" szinonima kereséshez.
"safety"

Recommendations
"security"
"possibility of tragic accidents", nem kell az a "happening", felesleges. Ha nagyon akarod beleteheted (csak máshova), de tényleg felesleges.
"breath-taking"
"I recommend making short films about the zilpline, which would show it to the world". Valami ilyesmire cserélném azt a mondatot a szóismétlés miatt. Az elején a "making" mindenképp kell a "to make" helyett

Conclusion
"I feel confident recommending", nem kell az "in"
"prefers" -> "likes". Szerintem ez megfelelőbb a szövegkörnyezetbe.
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